Change of Address

Hello Friends!

The Unsolicited Opinions of an Alabama Housewife 

has recently moved.

The new address is 

https://thealabamahousewife.wordpress.com/

Please stop by for a visit soon!

Thank you,

MaryAlayne

Where Is Your Mother?

I must admit that I have been a failure at many, many things.  The list is long and stretches across a wide range of subjects all the way from mastering a roundoff-back handspring-back tuck in my teenage years to cleaning out the basement of my present day home.  One of the many things on that sad yet impressive list is this blog.  Two posts in just over two years is completely pitiful for someone who claims to love writing.  There's no excuse so I won't make one.  However, I AM making a new commitment.  On my honor, I pledge that I will do my best to post something to this blog at least once each month, for at least one year.  There--I wrote it and you read it. Or at least my Mother read it.  I'm still convinced she is the only person who has ever read this blog and is one of the very few who are remotely interested in anything I have to say. More importantly I have made a writing pledge to a close friend (who happens to be an attorney) and I promise she WILL hold me to it.  I originally promised to post something on the 7th day of each month so as today happens to be May 9th, 2015 and I am already two days late; I better get going.

I have decided to follow the lead of many great pastors I have known and begin a series of blogs.  Don’t you just love when they do that?  They know good and well you have no choice but to come back next week to find out how it all ends.  They can be sneaky that way.  Hopefully, that will work for me too and will not only give me more time to hold up my end of the writing deal but will also keep you coming back for more.  That's the goal anyway.  

Since I am debuting this just in time for Mother's Day weekend; the series will be appropriately titled- 

"Where is your Mother?" 

It will cover all sorts of subjects one would hope you learned about from your Mother when you were growing up. More importantly, they will be subjects I hope you are currently teaching to your own children.  (Can I have a small “Mother’s Day” aside here please?  I know I'm just getting started but I really need to get this off my chest before I go any further.  I LOVE my Mother. She is an amazing, loving, thoughtful, caring, graceful, elegant Southern Lady and her undying love for me is clearly the only plausible reason she didn’t throw me in the river years ago.  Again, I LOVE my Mother but— I LOATHE and DESPISE made up, hokey-pokey Hallmark holidays-like Mother's Day.  I also despise store bought cards--except for those really funny, sometimes inappropriate ones with vintage photos on them. Now those are a different story.  I simply feel that if someone wants to thank me or express a feeling of love and devotion they shouldn’t look to an anonymous card writer to do that for them. I would much prefer to read their very own words from their very own mind written on paper with their very own pen. Even if they only wrote “I love you” or “Thank you” it would be so much better than some rhyming, syrupy, sugary sweet paragraph of nonsense.  However, If you want to wish me happy birthday by showing me a black and white photo of women from the 1950's drinking martinis and smoking cigarettes inside a station wagon filled with rambunctious children, carry on. I can’t get enough of cards like that! Rant over, let's continue.) I always loved reading the Dr. Seuss/P.D. Eastman book "Are You My Mother?" to my children. It is so sweet and funny and clever like all Dr. Seuss books tend to be. It follows the adventures of a little bird as he travels around town searching for his Mother.  He stops to visit a dog, a cat, a cow, even a huge back hoe or "Snort" and asks them all "Are you my Mother?".  Of course, none of them are his Mother but in the end he finds the proper “Mother bird” and everything ends quite happily.  Sadly, I am convinced now more than ever that we have an entire generation of children who are desperately looking for someone to "Mother" them.  The weird thing is, most of them have actual Mothers. Unfortunately the desired effect of maternal parenting is becoming more and more of a lost art and I am convinced some of these children would be better off with the Snort.  In recent years, and even more so in recent months, I have become incredibly concerned about the lack of home training in the youth of America.  Honestly, it extends well past the youth to several of the adults and it is starting to develop a form of rage inside me that I struggle with daily.  Keep in mind that good manners and social graces are not intended to make others feel ill at ease and should never be used in negative ways. Some misguided people will try to use their knowledge in these areas to make those around them feel inferior.  Those people don't know as much as they think they do.  Manners and social graces are designed to make everyone around you feel comfortable. People should remember that and lead by gracious example.  

It makes me shudder to think of the direction our county is heading in for many reasons but overall; the absence of basic manners, perceived entitlement and the general inability to properly behave regardless of one's surroundings is becoming more and more common. From the lack of table manners to the notion that you can talk on a cell phone anywhere, anytime about anything to the inability to write a proper thank you note, to horribly inappropriate clothing choices, to generally poor social etiquette--I can't help but believe we are all going to hell in a hand basket.  Even worse, we are going without an invitation while we wear tacky clothes, talk on speaker phones and chomp on bubblegum. And don’t even think about getting me started on the need for discipline! Good gracious, that is a big ‘ol can of worms that deserves its own three volume novel.  Wow!  This is shaping up to be quite a series if I do say so myself!  

Before I move on, please let me be clear about one thing: FATHERS have just as much responsibility to set examples of good manners to their children and are just as capable as Mothers of doing so.  

And now, without further adieu, the first subject we will cover in this series is.........

Table Manners

Judith Martin once said “The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.”.   Now I am the first to admit that Judy could come across a bit bossy and sometimes fell into that group of misguided people I was mentioning earlier.  However, she is right about the supper table’s importance to a family. (Yes, I say “supper”— I’m from ALABAMA.) The fact that we seem to be raising a generation of children who don't know how to properly set a table much less eat properly when seated at one is a direct result of eating in cars from paper sacks as we ferry our children to and from one perilous activity to the next.  The family table is declining and it is taking table manners and civilized society with it. It is one of many slippery slopes that we are sliding down at an alarming rate.

 You don't have to be at Downton Abbey or dining with The Queen to care about table manners.  Basic human decency requires that anyone over the age of 5 should at the very least know how to chew with their mouth closed and place a napkin in their lap. Is it really that much to ask that you take just a few minutes to learn where the silverware belongs?  Surely not.  You may or may not wonder why I care but I am telling you anyway. It's not just about me, it's about you too.  You may not think that poor table manners could affect you in a bad way but you, My Dear, are wrong.  Allow me to explain myself.  Not too very long ago my husband and I were at a lovely gala event.  There was a seated dinner served and we were sharing a table with a handful of people we had never met before.  A very beautiful young lady sat next to me and although she was quite attractive, she had on a very inappropriate dress.  I’ll get to the clothing portion of this series at a later time but for now, I'll stick to table manners.  This lovely young lady with her perfectly coiffed hair, Oscar worthy makeup and freshly manicured nails performed at the table as if she had been raised in the woods by Earnest T. Bass.  She held her fork and knife like she was trying to carve wood.  She chomped and chewed with her mouth open, gulped and sloshed her drink and never even touched her napkin.  It stayed on the table all evening. You would have thought she hadn't eaten in weeks.  Once when she noticed she had something on her hands she used the tablecloth to wipe them.  Thankfully she never felt the need to wipe her mouth.  I think that would have put me UNDER the table.  YOU do not want to be like this young lady and I know you don’t want you children to be like her. All through the evening I kept thinking--where is your Mother?  Did ANYONE ever teach you how to behave?  She was smart, otherwise polite and truly delightful to talk with. It just didn't make any sense.  Her presentation was atrocious and I just sat there hoping she never had a job interview that included a meal.  I have seen a lot of poor table manners in my day but this was just show stopping.  She wasn't the worst I have ever seen though.  That honor goes to a fellow I had a few dates with many, many, MANY years ago.  He was a super nice fellow who was polite, came from a nice family and was actually pretty fun to be around.  He had perfectly reasonable walking around sense so it came as somewhat of a surprise the first time I sat across the table from him for a meal.  All of a sudden this otherwise gentlemanly fellow morphed into Jethro Clampett right before my eyes.  His table manners were beyond atrocious.  It made me physically ill to sit across from him while he ate.  I tried everything short of flat out telling him he ate like a starving monkey but none of my hints hit the mark. While there was no real love connection and no real loss for either of us, for me the table manners were a deal breaker. I’m sure he probably ended up married to some sweet girl and I am so very hopeful that she was able to polish him up enough to take him out in public.  Where ever you are today Mr. Monkey Manners, I wish you well.....and P.S. Just incase your wife hasn't told you yet, when dining out, if bread is delivered to the table, it is not acceptable to place the entire loaf on your own personal dinner plate, carve it with your steak knife, butter each slice and pass it around to the other guests.

All that to say, table manners are important.  They reflect on you and your children whether you realize it, or like it, or not. So even if you find you have no other choice than to eat in the car, or in “shifts” as we sometimes do at our house, or even standing over the kitchen sink; make an effort to sit down together at least once a week. Teach your children how to properly set a table. Teach them to wait for everyone to be seated and to be served before they begin to eat.  I would also actually prefer that you teach them to say the blessing before eating as well.  I can't eat if I don't pray--but that part is up to you.  You should also teach them how to behave when seated at a table that has been properly set before them. And by all means; whether you are driving, dancing, sitting, standing or swinging from a trapeze, teach them to have an awareness for the feelings of others. That is the foundation for good manners in all areas of life.

I hope you’ll come back next time, when the second part of the series will cover Cell Phone Etiquitte.  Get ready.  

In the meantime: 

In my opinion…….there’s a lot more than eating going on at the supper table.

Good Friday~

Well, well, well....after years and years of writing and keeping it all to myself-- I've started a blog.  Sort of.  I actually started this over a year ago and have only posted to it once.  Not a roaring success I grant you; however--in my defense--I am still in recovery mode from the date of my last post as I simply can't believe that day turned out the way it did. I won't jump down that rabbit hole of discussion though--don't even ask.  Since then, I don't know that I have felt strongly enough about anything to sit and type up my thoughts so that I could publicly announce my feelings to the world.  Okay--not the world but to my parents and a few close friends, who are the only people that will likely ever read this.  

As I prepare for Palm Sunday, I feel moved to write about a subject I feel VERY strongly about. Good Friday.  I love Good Friday and for some reason have always had a special reverence and respect for it.  I'm not really sure why--I just do.  As a matter of fact, one of my favorite high school memories is of a certain Good Friday. On that day, a few too many years ago, a friend and I decided to take a mid-day drive through the very small community where we grew up. We were out of school that day (as everyone should be) so we decided to ride around to look at the dogwood blooms.  I'm sure it was something like that......  As we approached the main thoroughfare of town--where our lovely church crowns the street--we noticed that the cross was not out in front as it should have been.  We went into panic mode.  Somehow, whomever was supposed to put it up had forgotten to do so. How could such a thing happen? We decided it was up to us to save the day so we put our plan into action.  Unfortunately the storage building out back was locked and nobody seemed to have a key for the padlock.  Not to worry! We found a crowbar and used it to pop the lock, grabbed the cross and ran to the front lawn.  We spent about another 20 minutes looking for the hole in the ground where is goes. It was supposed to be marked by a brick but the grass was high and it took forever to find it. I'm fairly certain we uttered a few words not at all worthy of the church yard during our search but we were on a mission! Finally, we found the brick, dug it up and hoisted the cross upright.  We ran in the church (we had a key for that, no break in was necessary) and rifled through the closets for the black drape.  It was nowhere to be found.  Never fear! We had a plan. We drove back to my house and ripped apart the closets looking for a long black cloth. There had to be some black fabric SOMEWHERE!  Black shroud in hand, we headed back to the church. We ran back up to the cross where she sat on my shoulders to reach high enough and used safety pins to drape my long black skirt around the cross.  It gave a whole new meaning to the classic hymn "Lift High The Cross".  


Mission accomplished, crisis averted. 


 In the spirit of full disclosure I have to be honest and tell you that I'm pretty sure this was also the year we rolled the yard at the parsonage on the night before Easter.  Look--we were teenagers and nobody's perfect. Plus, I think we used colored toilet paper (remember that?!) so it looked very festive and "Easter-y".


Okay, on with the show.  Back in 2009, I typed a very short email about Good Friday and sent it to a few close friends.  I wasn't trying to make any sort of grand statement. I wasn't trying to get something passed around or forwarded around the globe. (For the record, any email I receive with a subject line starting "Fwd. Fwd. Fwd." goes directly to the trash.) I was just sharing my thoughts with like-minded friends.  I now feel led to share those thoughts again, so I have taken that old email and tweaked it a bit to be relevant today--in 2014.  I am sharing it here and I hope that it will at the very least cause you to stop and think--not only about Good Friday but about each and every day The Good Lord sees fit to grant you.  



Dear Friends,

       Easter Sunday, the greatest Holy Day in the Christian calendar, celebrates the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  As I am sure you know, Good Friday commemorates the Crucifixion of Jesus and His death at Golgotha.
       
       When I was growing up, and for several years after I had children of my own, there was no school on Good Friday. Perhaps that is still true for you but on April 19th, 2014, where I live, school is in session.  School--on Good Friday.  What a shame.  We are given time away from school for Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Labor Day, President's Day, the list goes on.  While I understand and respect the importance of those holidays, I in no way equate them with any type of "Holy Day".
       
       You should know that I am an avid supporter of my local school system and feel very blessed to be able to send my children to such amazing schools. There's a reason we call it the "Public-Private School"--it's wonderful. However, this scheduling conflict is where I must take issue.  Please rest assured that I don't blame this on teachers or administrators or board members. Oh no-- I blame it on us.  All of us.  You, me, the folks down the street--we all share the blame.  We have all stood silently by and allowed this to happen.  Nobody says a word when the soccer or softball tournament; baseball game; cheerleading competition or lacrosse practice falls on a Sunday.  We have allowed prayer to be taken from our schools and our sporting events. All the while we just stand around and say "Wow-that's so awful.  I wish we could do something about that.".  But nobody ever actually does anything.  Why should we be surprised when the recognition of another Holy Day is done away with? I hate to call on Elvis here but, we need a little less conversation and a lot more action!  We ALL bear the blame for ending up in school on Good Friday. Every last one of us.
         
        Last year, I caved.  I sent my children to school.  Somebody had a test and somebody was getting an award or it was picture day or something...... who can even remember what the reasons were? I surely don't know.  What I do know is that I have felt badly about it ever since.  Therefore--this year, I will not send my daughter to school on Good Friday. (The one who's in college has to make his own decision this time around.) I'm renewing my commitment to keep that day Holy.  It's a small thing I grant you, but it is done with great love.  I don't want you to think that I'm asking you to keep your children home. I'm not.  I'm not asking you to pull your children out of sports that meet on the weekends. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty if you can't keep your children home that day--or if you can't be away from work.  I'm not asking you to call the school to complain--nothing like that!  I am simply asking you to stop and think about the importance of that day.  Remember, without Good Friday--there is no Easter Sunday. 
      
        Think about all that has been given to you--by God. Think about how you are returning the favor. Not just on Good Friday but on every day of the week. What are you doing to show thankfulness and respect? Perhaps if you don't have school on Good Friday (or if you decide not to send your children) you will think about what a difference you could make in someone's life that day! Find a charity that needs assistance and volunteer to help out on that day.  Clean out your closets and take things to the homeless shelter. (Nice things--nobody want's your old underwear and your 1987 Hard Rock Cafe shirt.)  Bake some cupcakes and drop them off at the nursing home. Buy an extra bag of groceries and take it to a local food bank. Drop off an Easter Lilly at a neighbor's house.  Write thank you notes to your pastor and the staff at your church.  You don't have to look far to see someone that would benefit from even the smallest act of kindness. And for the record--those things can be done on ANY day--even AFTER school--you don't have to wait for a special occasion! 
        
       Also, while you're at it, think about how you could change things if you said "no" to Sunday sports that started before noon. If enough folks did it--you would see a change.  
       
       
       Finally, to be clear, this message is not about finding a reason to skip school or stay home from work.  This is not about making a statement and it is most certainly not about "me"!  This is about paying the proper respect to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ--every single day of the week.

       I hope that you and your family have a most wonderful, happy and blessed Easter!



 
Well, there you have it.  The Good Friday email that did not go around the world.  It never went viral and likely never will.  That's fine with me.  As I said--I'm just sharing thoughts with like-minded friends.


In my opinion, folks who are grateful are usually great folks.

The Alabama Housewife~
April 11, 2014

VOTE! But for who?

       As the 2012 election day arrives and somewhat "looms" over the heads of all Americans, I am getting a bit nervous.  Ever since I became a registered voter, promptly at the age of 18, I have yet to miss a presidential vote.  While I must admit the first year after I married and failed to move my registration in a timely manner, my Daddy drove right on down to the local polling place and cast his vote for my candidate--which was NOT his candidate--so I feel that counts.  This year, I feel that there is much more at stake than I can ever recall.  

     
       Now that we have come to the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, the reasons I choose a candidate are somewhat different than they were all those years ago.  I am proud to say that I do not readily associate myself with either major political party.  I try to vote for whom-ever I feel is best suited for the job.  Sometimes I make the right decision and sometimes I make the left one.  In either case, it has always been easy for me to decide which box to check.  This year is no different, my selection process--however--is something quite new.

    

      I am a very regular person.  I am a Christian.  I am a mother.  I am a wife.  I am a WASP.

       I believe in safety.  I am greatly appreciative of our military forces and support them completely. I own a gun and know how to use it.  My children know gun safety.  I have purchased guns, had gun permits and don't plan to change that any time soon.  I also think that automatic and semi-automatic weapons should be for military use only.  

       I believe in being a good steward to the earth God has given us.  I recycle-because I want to, not because someone told me to.  I also think that man made Global Warming--or Climate Change--or whatever the heck they are calling it this week is a mass marketing tool.  There are way too many folks making a living trying to convince the rest of us we need to be "green" and that we are killing the planet. Right here in Alabama, it's not any hotter or colder now than it ever has been in my lifetime.  We simply all have year round heating and cooling systems in all of our homes and cars.  We are accustomed to climate control.   I'm sorry but, in 5th grade science I learned about a little thing called "magnetic reversal of the poles".  Look it up--trust me.

       I believe in the CHURCH caring for others--not the government.  I give my time and my tithe to my church.  In fact, in the wake of the April 27th tornadoes all across Alabama, the area churches did such a GREAT job taking care of everyone that once FEMA actually arrived, many areas turned them away.  Their needs had been met quickly, effectively and voluntarily with NO EXPENSE to tax payers.  And no--we don't ask where you go to church or what you believe in OR who you voted for.  We show up, we cook, we clean, we cut trees, we open our homes AND we open our checkbooks. We take care of ALL God's children.....red and yellow, black and white, every one of them precious in His sight.

       I thank God every day for the blessings of my son and daughter.  I am very proud of my children and the fact that my husband and I chose to bring them into this world.  I consider it a privilege to raise my children and don’t expect the government to help--or to tell me how they think I should be doing things "their way".   

       I feel great compassion for those who are less fortunate than I.  I feel great contempt for those who lie around with no ambition and no desire to better themselves.  One of the greatest movie scenes I have ever seen is in Cinderella Man, staring Mr. Russell Crowe.  For those of you who don't know, it is set during The Great Depression.  Mr. Crowe portrays a boxer named James J. Braddock.  Like most folks during that time, he and his family loose almost everything--except each other.  Against his will, and ONLY to keep his family together, he accepts public assistance. When his character, after getting somewhat back on his feet, takes his first paycheck and stands in line to pay back every single penny the government had given him--wow, that's really something to see. We could all take a lesson from that.  I think that when you GIVE things to people without giving them an opportunity to EARN them, it takes away their desire to make their own world a better place. The best way to take care of anyone is to show them how to take care of themselves.

       I believe that we should treat our Veterans like kings and queens.  Anyone who VOLUNTARILY decides to defend our life, liberty and pursuit of happiness should be admired and appreciated by every single American. We rise and sleep under the very blanket of freedom they provide.  If anyone deserves to be taken care of by the government, it's them. 

       I believe that sexuality is genetic.  I have some really lovely, beautiful lady friends but the thought of kissing any one of them makes me physically ill.  I also have very dear friends (and family) who are gay. One very close friend of mine faced struggles in this area that I can't even bear to repeat. He even contemplated suicide. Guess what else--he is a Christian! Will wonders never cease.... Thankfully--he came out (no pun intended) un-scathed. I also have very dear friends (and family) who think sexuality is a choice. I believe that they are entitled to their opinions and think we should all be able to disagree without being disagreeable. I love all my family and friends and I think we should all share the same civil rights as every other tax paying American.  

        I believe that the current tax codes are comical.  I say that because I have to laugh about them to keep myself from crying.  I pay more taxes than should ever be allowed by law and I don't like it. It is NOT my responsibility to pay for the folks who WON'T pay for themselves. Why should I be called "greedy" because I would like to save the money I EARN but someone who wants money they did NOT earn is not?  Blows my mind.  To all the people who say they don't mind paying more--I say go right ahead.  This April, send in a check as big as you like.  There is no law against it.  It escapes me why a housewife from Alabama can grasp the concept of a flat tax but the folks in Washington can’t.   I have said it before (with a little prompting from Jerry Ryan) and I will say it again, if 10% is good enough for Jesus, why isn't it good enough for Uncle Sam?

        I believe that women are equal to men.  I believe that women who degrade themselves for men's pleasure are completely lost. I believe that men who don't stand up for what's right in this world (especially when right rarely equals popular) are cowards. 

        I believe that EVERYONE is entitled to a GREAT education.

       I believe in stronger immigration laws.  I also believe that if every illegal immigrant left this country today, we would all live in dirty houses with crooked sheetrock and knee high grass in the yard.  

       I think that the remedy for health care costs lies within regulation for drug companies and hospitals.  My son once broke his arm and we took him to the emergency room.  He came home with an ace bandage and his arm in a sling until he could get a hard cast the next day.  When my insurance statement arrived a week later, there was a charge (which my insurance company had paid) for SURGERY.  I called the insurance company and told them there was a mistake.  I explained all about the ace bandage and the sling and then the very polite woman on the phone told me not to worry--that's just how they bill that sort of thing.  I'm sorry but--$1200 for supplies I could have gotten at my local pharmacy for $20 is ridiculous.  In another instance, my husband came home from the doctor's office with an ankle brace.  He is a runner and liked it so much, he wanted another one for his other foot.  I found the EXACT SAME brace on amazon.com for $35.  The next week when the insurance statement came, they had paid the doctor's office $350 for the one he got there.  Seriously--HIGHWAY ROBBERY I tell you! 

       I believe that providing free anything for everyone is NEVER a good idea.  

       I believe that America should take care of America-before it takes care of anyone else.

        I want to see a candidate-male or female—black or white-stand up in front of a camera and be specific.  I want to hear a LEADER, not a panderer. I want to hear what someone really thinks, what they really believe.  Not what some group of wet behind the ears, idealistic flunkies typed onto a sheet of paper for them to read.  I do not want to hear what they think will give them a rise in the polls.  I want to hear someone defend our founding fathers and what they stood for. I want to hear someone say that separation of church and state is designed to keep the government out of The Church, not the other way around. I want to vote for someone who is not apologetic.  Say what you mean and stand by it.  If I don’t like it, that’s my problem.  Be strong. Be real. Be yourself!!

     
       I am very blessed by God in more ways than I could ever dream to deserve. I will continue to pray for HIS guidance as I prepare to cast this most important ballot today.   I will pray for people with power to get good sense and people with good sense to get power.  

                         In my opinion, with our help, America can be great again!

The Alabama Housewife
November 6, 2012